You need to
consider getting temporary car insurance. If you're British
you'll get it from
I’m your car. I
know how you drive. You go too slow uphill and two fast downhill
and you are lousy at judging the right speed for taking curves.
You seem to think that “share the road” doesn’t apply to you,
particularly on narrow roads where you prefer to split the
difference by straddling yellow. Put together, these issues
would seem to identify a person who might have a little trouble
driving in the mountains. That’s why I was shocked to find out
that you are planning a trip to Colorado because you have always
wanted to visit the state you that have more than once referred
to as “the bumpy one”.
Are you insane?!
Look, I like you.
I really do. You park me in the garage, you keep up with my
maintenance, and you even give me a bath now and then. And apart
from that partially spilled cup of decaf latte that I have
almost entirely forgiven you for, you have cared for my inside
as well as my outside. (Everyone knows it’s what’s inside that
So why do you want to screw up this good vibe between us by
dragging us both through the Rockies when that is exactly the
kind of behaviour that is bound to result in me getting up close
and personal with a tree or a boulder or some other piece of
nature that neither of us is particularly adept at recognizing,
much less avoiding. Let’s face it, you’re a city girl who is
perfectly comfortable zipping through bumper-to-bumper traffic
at 70 miles per hour but who might best be described as a flat
earth society driver.
Between you and me, Columbus was dead wrong on that score.
The point is that cars like me were not meant to be driven on
any terrain with any incline in excess of 2 degrees. Well,
technically, that’s not entirely true. I don’t mind coasting
down a gentle slope but it turns out it’s hard to find a gentle
downhill slope that isn’t accompanied at some point by an uphill
slope of equal or greater value. Forget it. Give me the
Bonneville Salt Flats over the scenic California Pacific Coast
Highway every time. Look, if it’s scenery you want, watch the
National Geographic Channel. You get cable, right? And speaking
of scenery, cars are not meant to co-exist with any of those
obstacles nature never fails to put in our way. Cars are
mechanical wonders and, as such, sometimes we draw the ire of
Mother Nature who unfairly blames us for Global Warming. Mother
Nature needs to stop believing everything Al Gore tells her. The
fact is that, while cars used to be responsible for a lot of
pollution, nowadays our emissions are way less than they used to
be. When was the last time you heard about anybody cashing in
their chips by choking themselves on car exhaust? It can’t be
It’s much easier to buy the farm by hitting a tree or a rock or
driving off a cliff. Get my meaning?
Anyway, I know you have your reasons for wanting to go to
Colorado. I just think you should consider my feelings first. Of
course, it’s your choice. You’re the driver and I’ll go wherever
you point me.
So at least consider getting temporary car insurance first.
Rocks and trees are not to be trusted